Surrogacy From A Surrogate Husband’s Point of View
Becoming a surrogate is a personal decision and one that changes the lives of both the intended family and her own family. At ConceiveAbilities, our research shows that the number one influencer for a surrogate embarking on a surrogacy journey is her partner. Having a supporting husband or partner throughout a surrogacy journey is essential. Understandably, your significant other might have apprehensions about their wife wanting to become a surrogate. So, how do you start the conversation?
Jonathan Compton and his wife Laci had been married for a few years when she first expressed interest in becoming a surrogate. Jonathan, an active duty US Airforce airman in Alaska, candidly shares how he and Laci decided surrogacy was the right path for their family and how it changed their life.
What was your family situation when Laci told you she wanted to be a surrogate?
“We had had our first child Lila when Laci expressed an interest in being a surrogate. We had been married two or three years. We took a pause on surrogacy, though, due to deciding to have another child of our own. We picked things back up a few years later when both our children were a little bit older. Because it was something we had discussed early in our marriage and the time was right for our family, it wasn’t a surprise when she reached out to ConceiveAbilities to begin her surrogacy journey.”
Are there any misconceptions or fears about the surrogacy process you needed to gain knowledge about to feel comfortable with Laci starting the process?
“I honestly did not understand how the surrogate process worked early on. I knew the child would not be ours genetically. So I became very familiar with the entire IVF process. Giving shots was a small hurdle but nothing big. Laci was better about it than I was.
I think a second part of this question is that I was initially hesitant in telling our families what we were doing, because going through pregnancy for another couple rather than bringing another child to the family seemed controversial. Most of the family was very supportive in this journey and, those that had questions about it, mainly did not know what it was. Once we informed them the child would not have our genetic material, they were relieved and became accepting of the idea.”
From your perspective, how was the surrogacy pregnancy different from Laci’s other pregnancies?
“Surrogacy pregnancy was special because Laci was able to carry and deliver a baby for another family. I know that is very basic. Throughout the pregnancy, our intended parents’ encouragement and excitement was very uplifting and gave reason and purpose to why we were doing this.”
Were you anxious about the delivery? What was your role in the delivery process?
“We were given the opportunity to deliver in a very nice labor and delivery center. I admire Laci’s passion for birth and delivery, and have been able to take part in her three deliveries alongside nursing and midwifery staff. We did prep work for the delivery so, as a husband and partner to Laci, I could help keep the course of our birth plan and hopefully brought a little comfort along the way.”
Does your family have a relationship with the surro-babe family?
“At the time of pregnancy and delivery, we were lucky to live not too far away from the intended parents, in relative terms for the surro-world. Our families have gotten together multiple times as friends as they were only a few hours drive away. We have moved since due to career changes, but we stay in close contact and get many pictures of the chubby cheeked little baby boy that Laci helped to bring into the world.”
What are the top things you would tell someone who is unsure about his/her partner becoming a surrogate?
“Communication is really going to be huge through the whole journey, starting in the beginning all the way to the end. Explore the parts of the surrogacy that make you unsure. It is a different path than most people take so it is going to beg questions. I really appreciated the interactions with ConceiveAbilities’ staff members. They had a lot of experience with many couples and surrogate journeys. They always encouraged us to do what was best and right in our minds when it came to the whole process. One thing that helped me early on was remembering Laci had a yearning to help another family to become as complete as we are in our own lives. Knowing that she had a desire to help others was always the root of why she decided to be a surrogate, and I did not want to stop her pursuit.”
How did your wife becoming a surrogate change your life?
“Not only was it magical for Laci, it was a huge life changing event for myself and our family. Our daughters are so proud that their mom was a surrogate who gave the greatest gift you can give. I am excited to help other partners navigate surrogacy and share what I learned on the Surrogacy Learning Center.”
Have more questions? Please do contact us to talk more. We are all-in for family building, at all times and especially now.